And so it begins... I thought i was excited about Big Brother 7. But during the last commercial break of the excellent Honey I Ruined The House, Davina popped up to say there were only ten minutes left before the new series and it felt strangely anti-climatic :( Here are my real time thoughts of the first show as jotted down during the episode...
(Davina said "Christ" after only 97 seconds)
(Genius moment when preggers Davina couldn't get off the waterbed...)
(Equally genius moment when preggers Davina showed us how to use the urinals!!)
(Campest gold lurex porn diary room chair ever)
BONNIE ~ rather deludedly classed herslef as sexy and good looking then sucked her finger and showed her beer belly before proclaiming that even Davina would be flicking her bean at home to her!!! Booed as she went in. I instantly hate her faux white girl rap speak. and she has horrible knees...
PETE ~ instantly reminded me of Duckie from Pretty In Pink possibly because they share the same wardrobe. Allegedly a "singer" in a rock n roll band. Completely crazy although his whole personality seems to revolve around his rather amusing Tourette's outbursts. Quite like the fact that he miaows whenever he fancies someone. And then he fell down the stairs going into the house ;) Tit!
GEORGE ~ Only 19 and i instantly thought he loved himself before he even spoke. I was right. Total toff who lives off mommy and daddy's allowance. Not really sure what to make of him... nice shirt though :) Does he really want to be Paris Hilton's dog? And hates hyper gay men. Which means that the next housemate will be...
SHABAZ ~ self proclaimed "paki-poof!" Danced (badly) to Girls Aloud Biology. Obviously will get on great with George. Channelled Larry Grayson all the way into the house. Then when he met George he acted like the most hyper gay man ever. The producers must be revelling!
LEAH ~ Gigantic boobs! HUGE! Sold her house for all her plastic surgery which having looked at her closely seems like a bad investment. Couldn't look at her too long because she offended me ;) Reminded me of Bette Midler's Otto Titsling " downheld by the weight of those terrible tits!"
IMOGEN ~ Not Heap as i hilariously read on another blog site. Smirk. Former Miss Wales but clearly all the other contestants were either sheep or the barmaid from Little Britain's the only gay in the village sketch. Lovely yellow top though. Have changed mind already - she seems lovely and sweet. Tourette Pete shouted WANKA when she walked in ;)
MIKEY ~ From Liverpool. Fantastic cheekbones. Anti feminist and dislikes ugly people so instantly wins the vote from women and munters. Please read that sentence with sarcasm dripping from your voice. Find it hard to believe his comments on audition tape - feel he is just trying to create a memorable impression like Craig last year who was nothing like how he described himself. Hates camp gay men! Christ on a bike!!
DAWN ~ Spitting image of Skin from Skunk Anansi. Claims she has never been in love, doesn't have any friends or need them and hates people except "maybe that Ghandi or Mother Theresa or Bob Geldof". Charming. Then strangely walked in with a red blanket cape and horrible clunky boots which won't win anyone any friends!
GLYNN ~ the baby of the group at a mere 18. Has the confidence that only inexperienced youth could bring. Stripped off several times during his video. Pretty sure he's a great big Mox. Hates posh people and bullies who threw rocks at him in primary school. I can kinda see why they did but his baby face makes me want to hug and protect him...
RICHARD ~ Canadian "sexual terrorist" (there is only one sexual terrorist called Richard in England and he lives in Lincoln! Hi Richard!) Loves "big dumb men" Bit of a bear and looks like the sort of bloke who would look at your thingy while you are peeing which lets face it, doesn't display your tackle at its finest does it? Oh, I stand corrected. Darren says he is more of a daddy than a bear.
GRACE ~ Davina who in interviews says Big Bro shys away from stereotypes, introduces her as another posh one. Glad thats cleared up then. Grace says her best feature is her personality which is strange cos judging from her audition tape, she doesn't seem to have one...
LISA ~ the "mad" one that will get right up everyone's nose but will be proper good to watch. Until i get irritated by here which is happening already! Chinese geeza bird who doesn't seem to pause for breathe. I like her but can't help but feel she is jimmy krankie looking for a career comeback at all costs. Thinks everything is mint! MINT!
CEASAR ~ which is actually spelt Seyzer. The geezer as Darren instantly christened him. Self made millionaire by 21. Good dress sense. Loves himself a bit, but then i think you have to to go on this show. Changed my mind about his dress sense when he walked in dressed completely in white. Still can't fault anyone named after my favourite salad.
NICKY ~ Complete Chantelle clone but without that innocent charm that the lovely Chanters had. Thinks she's "special" She's right there then as she entered dressed as a playboy bunny with camel toe on display. oh no love!
So there we have it. I guess i am a little bit excited after all. The brilliance of big bro is how divisive it is so please please please feel free to leave any comments and come back daily for updates and gossip and opinions!
Posted by Paul 6:12 AM
I really surprise myself that, despite not actually watching the shows, I know so much about Big Brother...